


what we do now that it's over

by relliot



Category: FinnPoe - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Finnpoe - Freeform, M/M, Reylo - Freeform, Stormpilot, forceghosts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22105417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relliot/pseuds/relliot
Summary: The war is over.Poe heads home.Finn and Rey, equally as desperate for some peace and quiet since the end of the war, tag along.And while Yavin IV is everything Poe described it to be and more, the perfect home, there are a few things he left out of his description of his home life.AKA: The war is over and the trio has to figure out who they are when there's no fighting. Ft. Kes Dameron and a couple of Force Ghosts.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 102





	1. welcome home

He didn’t know how his heart would burst as he laid eyes back onto his home.

Yavin IV.

It had been too long, he wouldn’t bother counting, it didn’t matter exactly how many cycles he had been away for. He knew it had been too long.

How naïve had he been to promise he’d make it back once a cycle? To promise himself that, to promise his dad that. Since joining the Republic Navy so many years ago, he had been back twice. That was a whole war ago.

And now they had won. They had finally won.

Yavin was just as gorgeous as he remembered. Stealing a glance to his side, to the bright-eyed woman sat next to him in the co-pilot chair, it seemed he wasn’t the only one breathless. Rey was the easy one to impress, you could dangle a shiny new metal in front of her and stars, you’d have her attention for a whole day. It was a brilliant curiosity, an endearing appreciation of the new and wonderful.

He wished everyone could face the unknown as she did.

Finn was more stoic. Not in a ‘mouth-shut’ kind of way, but in a, ‘I traveled the galaxy as a trooper, I’ve seen shit’ kind of way. Poe didn’t have the heart to glance over his shoulder to gauge his response, thankfully, he didn’t need to, the small gasp he heard was enough to bring back the butterflies, the flurry of fluttering coursing through him.

This was home. He had never been so happy to be back.

They parked the Falcon just at the edge of town, deep enough into the jungle to not attract any attention out of habit, and moderately out of fear it might incite some celebratory uproar. Having just managed to pull themselves from the endless celebration in the core, they were looking for quiet, real quiet for the first time since the war had ended.

Poe led the way, not too confident at first, staying silent as C3-PO described the general climate and history of the moon. But as soon as his foot hit the soil, he was back, and he knew the way like the back of a Putteir’s ridge. He led them the rest of the way into town and immediately felt himself shrink back to his childhood self.

It burst out of him in fits of laughter, quiet and self-indulgent almost, meant for himself. But Finn and Rey heard, how could they not? They followed as close behind as possible, not just in awe of the new culture, of the new life around them in the booming market, but also shocked by the smile Poe couldn’t seem to wipe from his face.

They had just won a war, they had seen him so happy he cried hot tears of joy and excitement, sobbing with a smile. He somehow managed to look happier here, dragging his fingers over each and every medallion being sold at a booth.

“So, this is it? The mystic homeland of the great pilot?” Finn asked, nudging him gently to pull his easily stolen attention back for as long as he could manage to keep it. “Do they have a sign posted somewhere ‘This Is Where Poe Dameron was raised-”

Poe couldn’t help the laughter that tore through him. Any other day, he’d merely give the joke a chuckle and move on, but this happiness… He was finally beginning to see things from his own perspective, not that of a resistance General, but of Poe Dameron.

It had been a long time since he could hold such a distinct identity. Just him. Not Commander, not Captain, not General.

“I’m not the only soldier from here.”

The air on Yavin was just as clean as the core systems they had been bouncing through, and yet, breathing it in felt fresh, clean. Or maybe it was just the sweetness from the nearby eatery he spotted, one that he didn’t remember from when he lived there, but time had passed. Things were new, and he was excited to find out just how new.

“Come on.” He gestured, moving them through the small and peaceful crowd. A few turned to look at them, curiously trying to place them but ultimately not lingering too long.

They headed out of town almost as soon as they entered, trekking down a long road until they reached the small stone at the fork in the road.

“It’s not much further-” He crouched down to dust the caked dirt off the stone, clearing away the letters until it was clear it was inscribed ‘Bey-Dameron’.

But when he looked up to Finn and Rey, he realized they hadn’t even heard him. Too distracted by the vast landscape around them, jungle and trees but also open flats of green, stretching into the mountain like temples. Mouths wide open, they gaped in awe. He expected it of Rey, but Finn seemed equal in shock by what he was seeing, maybe even more so.

“You really grew up here?” Finn let out as no more than a muttering from his lips, turning back to Poe as he got to his feet.

“Yeah, I uh, I used to have a swing on that big tree over there…” He pointed just over Finn’s shoulder, “And one of my closest friends lived at the farm across the river there.”

Poe didn’t want to mention that said closest friend had been killed by the First Order. He tugged at his heart to remember, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter the words. He had to keep reminding himself the war was over. That they won.

Rey suddenly shifted her disposition, her brows furrowing as something struck her. Something neither of the other two could feel at first. With a second passed, Finn felt it too. 

“Poe, Is there-”

“Come on, we’re losing light.” He smirked, picking his pack back up and continuing down the path.

Finn and Rey shared a brief look but ultimately said nothing, opting to follow him the rest of the way. On either side of the path, rows of strange crops and budding flowers came into view, and after they made it about halfway down the path, into a rather wide clearing, they finally could see the small house built underneath the canopy of the jungle, surrounded by animal housings and droids working away.

Poe didn’t spare the surroundings much thought, his pace just picked up with every inch he got closer to the house. Finn, however, was much more curious about some of the larger beasts he had never seen before, walking right up to the horned purple beast only to flinch away when it bellowed a roar back to him.

He didn’t need to look ahead to see Poe had turned and laughed at him, he could hear it the second he stumbled away. He considered getting defensive, shooting back as easily as he always had, but he not with how happy the laughter actually sounded. When he finally looked up to see the smile on his face, how could he say anything to dampen the inherent brightness of it, of his entire disposition. Poe Dameron was glowing. 

And Finn was staring.

At least he was until Rey cleared her throat and hit him briefly on the arm, urging him forward as Poe continued on.

As soon as Poe’s foot hit the first step of the porch, the door tore open and a hefty blur of man came charging out. Poe was caught up in a hug before he even knew what hit him. He almost flinched away, a default reaction for someone who had spent years at war. But something came over him, and as soon as the hug hit him, the strongest pilot in the galaxy almost melted.

“You-”

“I’m okay…” The handsome Resistance General was nearly reduced to tears.

And Finn didn’t know what was rising in his chest, but he almost felt the tears too. Glancing side-eye to Rey, it seemed he wasn’t the only one moved by the genuine display of family playing out in front of them.

“It’s over. The war, it’s over.” Poe cheered, hitting his dad affectionately on the back before pulling away, trying to wipe away his tears, to cover it with laughter.

“You did it.”

Finn and Rey could finally see Kes Dameron as he pulled back and the resemblance became very clear. It was the crinkling at their eyes when they smiled, their chins, their entire dispositions. Poe was taller, and Kes was obviously older, but a clear father and son. Not just by looks, but by love too.

The beast roared again, snapping the two of them from their enrapture, spiraling them into some laughter as they looked back.

“Friends, yeah, you said you were bringing friends.” Kes chuckled, wiping away his own tears, still keeping a one-handed grip on his son’s shoulder as he turned to both Finn and Rey.

They chuckled and Poe laughed with them, waving them over as he held close to his father.

“Dad, this is Rey and Finn.” He smiled as he introduced.

“You fought in the battle of Endor, on the ground with Han Solo.” Rey all but rambled out as soon as she stepped forward to grab his hand. She may have been eager, but he was just as much so.

“You are the Jedi?” Kes nearly swooned as he grabbed her hand back, shaking up and down, finally pulling from his son to do so. “Don’t tell the boy I told you, but he speaks very highly of you.” He mock-whispered, getting laughter from the whole crew.

And Finn stepped up just as quickly, extending his hand, and Kes took it with even more enthusiasm.

“Finn, I remember you mentioning a Finn, the stormtrooper, no?” Kes smirked, looking back to his son then back to Finn.

“Not the stormtrooper anymore, my co-general.” Poe interrupted, glancing to his feet briefly then back to Finn, who met his glance, then dropped his eyes back to his feet.

Finn chuckled back. “General, yeah.”

“Well, come on in, come on in.”

The house had changed, the small living room adjacent to the kitchen now a bedroom and the stairs looked like they hadn’t been used in years, baskets stacked alongside them, fabrics hung all around.

“I don’t make it up and down the stairs anymore, my knee, ya know…” Kes sighed, walking the kitchen. “But there should be enough room up there for you all.”

Poe didn’t let his sigh out as he watched him, he couldn’t. He feared it when he saw how many droids were out in the field, he knew that time had passed, he just wished Kes would have mentioned it. Now, being back inside the house, he couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Kes was shot, a long time ago, took a blaster shot to the knee. He always said it was fine, he would never let anyone else see him limp around, thought he was too young to be forever grounded. So, he fought on, made it worse, and by the sounds of it, he couldn’t make it up the stairs anymore. He needed Poe here, he has for years by the looks of it but he never said a thing. 

All Poe wished was that he could’ve come back sooner. The war was just… Well, it was over now.

“Thanks, dad.” Poe smiled, trying to snap himself out of the new dark cloud building around him, “Let us put our bags down and-”

“I’ve got a stew on. No fresh Metwe in a few weeks you know, but I can get out there tomorrow and cut some down.” Kes rambled on, racing to the stove to continue stirring the large pot there.

Weeks. Poe caught sight of their beloved Metwe tree on the way in. It wasn’t weeks. The droids couldn’t pick them, they piled up and decayed at the base of the tree. It seemed more like a year’s build-up.

“Yeah, we’ll be right back down dad.” Poe sighed, directing Rey and Finn up the stairs in front of him, trying to hide himself as he rubbed over his eyes and face. The journey had been long, and it was finally catching up to him.

The two of them stopped and looked at everything but Poe needed up and away, too much happening in his heart and his head at the moment to stop and look at all the old pictures, not when most of them had his mom in them, he just couldn’t handle that at the moment. He pushed passed them and up into the living space, loft-like in that there was a couch and a holoscreen. Kes must’ve just recently gotten a droid up to tidy, it was plenty organized, but never in a way Kes would have done it himself.

“There’s a uh… There’s a bedroom down the hall that way and another down the hall this way, and someone can take the couch in here-” He felt himself choking on the words and opted to just shut his mouth and he gathered himself.

Rey came up behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder but he couldn’t help but shrug it off.

“I’ll take my old room; you guys can fight over who gets that bed and who takes the couch.” He coughed out, dropping his eyes back to the floor and walking down the hall, entering one room and locking himself away.

Finn couldn’t even get up the stairs fast enough to say anything, he didn’t imagine Poe would have wanted him to anyways.

“You can have the bed.” He smiled to Rey, dropping his pack and immediately distracting himself with looking around the room, Rey following close behind.

“I wonder why he never talks about her.” She muttered, just loud enough for Finn, purposely not loud enough for Poe where he was a room away. She was looking at the many photographs of Shara Bey which laid around the house, littering the walls, any blank space.

“I get the feeling he was pretty young…” Finn trailed off, glancing at the only group shots which contained a young boy with curly hair, not much older than seven or eight.

He couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw them. Even as a boy, he was into A-wings, a pilot, just like his mother it seemed, judging by the medals also left around as decoration.

Finn couldn’t decide what was so off about it, he could just feel it. It wasn’t until he stepped back and saw the room as a whole that he realized it was more like a shrine to her than it was just a smattering of family photos.

“I knew I felt something.” Rey spoke up, full volume now, catching Finn’s attention back, pointing him to a specific photo on the wall.

Sans Poe this time, just Kes, Shara, and a very young version of the man Rey knew all too well. Luke Skywalker. The three of them stood in front of a lavish tree of intricate design even within the natural growth.

“I didn’t think Force trees were real.” She sighed, dragging her fingers over the photo.

“They are.”

Neither of them had heard the door open up again but Poe had stepped out, shirt half unbuttoned down his chest and a washcloth in his hand. He had rubbed his eyes red trying to wake himself back up it seemed.

“I can take you to it in the morning if you want.” He continued as if nothing was wrong.

Rey was too busy excitedly nodding to notice how his disposition had changed the way Finn had. The bagging at his eyes much more pronounced now that they were red. Finn had never seen him cry for real either, this was as close as he had ever gotten.

He also couldn’t help but notice that he had his boots still on, laced up and his gloves stuffed into his pocket.

“Your dad said something about picking fruit, I can help you with that-” Finn tried but Poe just chuckled dismissively, shaking his head.

“He loves good stories, about war, about battles, I think I’ll give you guys some time to fill him in first.”

“He’s your dad.” Rey protested softly.

“Oh trust me, I send him plenty of updates.” Poe staunched out. “I can get to work; you guys can tell him stories.”

Finn wasn’t buying it, but he let it slide by, for now, nodding and letting Poe walk past, buttoning up his shirt the rest of the way and heading down the stairs again.

“I’m worried about him,” Finn whispered back to Rey and she shrugged.

“We don’t know what he’s going through.”

She was right. Family was the one thing neither of them could fully understand. Not the dynamics of it all. And they certainly had no grasp on Poe’s history with it all.

Poe was the one person besides Rey that Finn trusted above all else, that he felt he knew better than anyone else. He realized on Kijimi there was still parts of his past he didn’t bring up, he had come to terms with that, but this now? He couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong, that there was more going on.

He just wanted to help.


	2. scratch the surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is on the rails, then back off, Finn is just trying to keep up.
> 
> ft. Rey and Kes fangirling in the background about rebellion heroes

Everything had always been so easy with Poe.

  
Since the day they met, on the star destroyer, pulling him from his cell and ripping his helmet off, since the first second they met eye to eye, it had been so easy. He knew he could trust him; he knew from that second and he had never thought twice about it.

  
And he hoped he could be the same for him until now, he honestly believed he was. But something was wrong, and Poe had gone silent, and all Finn could do was watch from the sidelines as he quietly filled with pain from within.

  
After a short half-hour of small talk with his dad, all of them standing around the counter, letting the conversation flow freely, Kes chastised his knee and requested they move to the table to continue. Poe used that as his escape, citing the Metwe or whatever the fruit was his father had mentioned earlier and disappearing out the door just as the sun hid behind the horizon.

  
Rey and Kes easily dipped into old war stories, citing the similarities between young Luke, Han, and Leia and the older versions they were more familiar with. But Finn couldn’t get into it, not when Poe was acting so off.

  
When Kes got up to check the stew, Rey finally turned back to him, laying a hand gently on his shoulder and snapping him back from his more distant thoughts.  
“You okay?” She smiled softly, everything about her disposition so soft.

  
All he could do was nod, his throat a bit dry, a cough needed to clear it. And he thought that would be the end of it, but she didn’t concede so easily. She just waited, patiently, watching him try to avoid her stare the entire time.

  
All he could do was shrug, what was he head to say?

  
“You should go check on him.”

  
She could see right through him, she had always been able to. The only lie he ever managed was telling her was when the first met, that he worked for the resistance, but she only believed him because she wanted to. He couldn’t fool her anymore.

  
“Yeah.” He sighed, giving her a nod and getting to his feet, thankful to be able to quietly slip out passed Kes with his back turned. Not that he would mind, he was just as interested in hearing about the Jedi from Rey as she was from him.

  
Moonlight did little to light the land away from the lights along the porch, once passed the beast enclosures, it took Finn several blinks to be able to make out any moving shapes, a couple more to be able to make out Poe by the towering tree.

  
He tried to minimize his presence as soon as he spotted him. He had expected him to be burdened by the work but if anything, he looked more at peace than he had since they got into the house to begin with. Finn couldn’t help but notice that his disposition had changed as soon as he saw his father, and he was slightly back to normal now that he was away from him.

  
Whatever was going on, Rey was right, he could in no way understand it yet.

  
“You just going to stand there and watch?” Poe smirked out over his shoulder, hopping down from the branch, landing heavily on his feet and kneeling down with arms out to keep balance, a sling of fruit around his chest.

  
“You didn’t look like you needed any help.” The words shot out of his mouth comfortably, banter had always come naturally for whatever reason between the two of them.

  
“Yeah well.” He kept his smirk as he made it back to standing straight up. One hand filed through the pouch, grabbing out a small blue fruit, just the size of his palm, and tossed it at Finn.

  
But it was dark, he could barely make it out as it flew his way, catching it in the last second, eliciting a hearty chuckle from Poe.

  
“You eat these fruits?” Finn asked, walking closer as Poe picked up all his equipment, still laughing.

  
“I could eat like six a day as a kid.” He smiled, motioning them back towards the house. “Nowadays, I think I prefer it fermented, it's a good drink.”

  
Finn brought it to his face, took a sniff and laughed at the idea of it.

  
“It’s not going to hurt you-”

  
“It smells like dirt.”

  
“It’s a farm, everything smells like dirt.” Poe countered, stopping halfway there and using his vague gravitational field around Finn to keep him close. “Give it to me.”

  
Finn didn’t so much relinquish it as Poe just took it from him, taking it straight to his lips and biting a hole into it, some of the juices trailing in the stubble lightly coating his face. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, trying to excuse the watering in his mouth as hunger, explaining it had been a long journey in the argument he was having with himself.

  
“See. Safe.” He pushed it back to Finn and he accepted, taking a smaller bite out of the same bit mark and continuing behind Poe as he walked.  
It was good. Nothing to climb a towering tree for in his opinion but it was good.

  
“You come out here for a reason?” Poe spared him a look, discarding his tools by the smaller barn.

  
Did he? To check on him, but that wasn’t much of an answer, certainly not one he could admit to straight out.

  
“You were just taking a long time, wanted to see if the wild Yavin beasts had gotten you.”

  
Poe stifled a chuckle, working the sling off his body to tie into a sack.

  
“I’m safe, don’t worry.”

  
But Finn caught his arm, keeping them outside, just far enough from the porch for a minute longer.

  
“I am a little worried though, you know.” He spoke directly to his feet, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

  
Poe nodded, wiping his face and giving a silent shrug. “I’m fine, really.”

  
“You can talk to me, Poe…”

  
He knew that, he nodded because he knew that. And just like Finn, he had never doubted it. But something kept his throat welded shut, kept everything he had repressed for so many years down where he thought it belonged, inside and quiet.

  
There was so much he wanted to say, he just couldn’t find the voice to say it.

  
“I think my dad’s got dinner, so you know…” He gestured back to the house; Finn had no choice but to follow.

  
Rey and Kes were standing around the counter when the entered, pouring stew by the ladle-full into the bowls laid out there. Kes sighed when he caught sight of his filthy son, smacking him on the back affectionately and laughing. “I didn’t mean tonight but thank you.”

  
“I figure you had a laundry list for me tomorrow.” He sighed, laying the bag on the counter and waiting around with everyone else for Kes to finish rationing the delicious smelling stew.

  
“I offered to take Rey out to the Force tree but I haven’t been able to make the hike in a while, maybe it’s better if you do.” He added and they all nodded in agreement. “Let’s eat, I want to hear more stories.”

  
And stories he heard.

  
Whatever had changed between them, everything flowed easier. There was no tension like there had been before between Poe and Kes, everything had settled down.

  
It was only when Poe stood up to take the bowls and Finn followed to help, leaving Kes and Rey at the table, did it begin to fall off the wagon.  
Neither of them caught what Rey had asked, but Finn couldn’t imagine she would have done it purposefully if she knew what would happen.

  
“Shara was a magnificent woman-”

  
Poe’s hand slipped on the bowl he scrubbed, dropping it with a clatter to the bottom of the sink. Finn was right by his side, drying the dishes, but even he almost dropped the spoon in his hand when he saw Poe’s shoulders tense up, the likes of which he had never seen to this extent.

  
Kes didn’t notice the intricacies of his son’s reaction the way Finn had, or even the way Rey had, the bowl clattering having caught her attention briefly before Kes continued on.

  
“I fought on the ground with Han Solo, I knew good pilots, but there was nothing like her. The heart, the tenacity-”

  
Poe had to shut the water off, reaching to the side to snatch the towel from Finn’s hands before he could even protest, wiping his hands down and pulling back from the sink. Kes continued on.

  
“Everything about her-”

  
He pulled back entirely, wiping his brow with the towel before tossing it aside and tearing off past Finn. If he noticed him standing there, he didn’t make it seem like he did, he barely missed shoulder checking him as he squeezed out of the kitchen, back out onto the porch, and judging by his heavy steps on the stairs, back out into the garden.

  
Kes didn’t even notice, even as both Rey and Finn shared a look of concern with each other, disconnected from his story, he continued to ramble on.  
Finn set the last bowl down and muttered a quick, “excuse me” before taking off after him, back out to where he found him before, not wasting any time allowing his eyes to adjust before he searched the darkness for him.

  
“Poe?” He called out. No response.

  
He tried again, more desperate this time as he made it past the beasts and looked around. “Poe?”

  
He nearly tripped over him, catching sight of him sat on the ground, just at the end of the barn, on a bale of some sort of food for the beasts nearby, head in his hands.

  
“Poe…”

  
“I’m fine.”

  
“You keep saying that-”

  
It wasn’t a chuckle this time, it was a scoff that fell from Poe’s lips, strained but still there. “And yet you keep asking-”

  
“I’m just trying to help-”

  
“Well don’t.” He finally looked up at him, tears of hot desperation in his eyes, breaking from his lash line to drip down his cheeks. He used to sleeve to wipe them away as quickly as they formed, but Finn spotted them immediately. “I’m fine.”

  
“We came back here to slow down and you haven’t caught your breath once since we’ve been here-”

  
“I can breathe just fine-”

  
“You just stormed out of the kitchen-”

  
“I’m fine, Finn, really I’m-”

  
“You don’t have to be fine anymore, Poe.” He finally sighed out, kneeling down in front of where he sat, still avoiding his eye contact, and laid his hand as gently as he could on his knee. Poe didn’t pull away, so he left it there, massaging a gentle circle with his thumb. “The war is over, and you can slow down…”

  
Poe held his breath, unable to focus on anything else besides the light pressure he could feel over the knee of his pants, Finn’s finger dragging around, circle after circle. Even the humid weather and the probable plethora of bug bites he was sustaining fell to the wayside as Finn held his position right in front of him.   
He couldn’t really hear him once he started, he figured whatever he said, he was making a point, but even his brain wasn’t working well enough to process it. Everything was flowing through his brain at a mile a minute, emotions he hadn’t allowed out in years and ones he had only come to realize recently.

  
His breath finally caught up to him, he sucked it in and let his chest fill with it.

  
He couldn’t let it out. Not now, not yet. He wasn’t ready for that.

  
“I’m fine, Finn, go back inside.” He huffed, slowly dragging both hands over his legs to meet Finn’s grip and softly push it away. “I’m fine.”

  
Finn wasn’t sure if he was saying it to himself or to him, the way the whisper fell out of his breath and Finn’s relatively close proximity, it could go either way. Whichever it was, he pulled back and nodded. He didn’t agree, but Poe wasn’t looking for an agreement.

  
“Just…” Poe sighed, standing and pacing around him, further from the house. Finn stood to meet him, but he still took two steps away and raised his hands to keep them at distance from one another. “Just, go back inside. I’m fine.”

  
He wasn’t. He was so far from fine that he couldn’t even see how hard he was fronting, and how painfully it was failing.

  
“You shouldn’t be out here alone, I don’t think-”

  
“It’s my farm Finn, I’ve got it.”

  
That wasn’t what he meant. It wasn’t the wild beasts, the foreign fauna or flora that he was worried about. It was his own head. He knew what it was like to put on a helmet and hide it all away, what that ever-present stress could do to the body for extended periods of time. He knew better than anyone.

  
But there was no argument to be made, Poe turned around and headed off deeper into the darkness, the last clear shadow of him Finn could make out was him hitting himself on the side of the head.

  
They couldn’t stay here, not if it was going to destroy him like this. He needed to tell him that. But he waited, he walked back to the porch and sat on the small chair at the bottom of the stairs and he waited to tell him just that when he got back.

  
He waited for most of the night. Eventually, the subtle hum to the jungle and the warm air lulled him off to sleep, he had been so exhausted, he should’ve known he would have never been able to stay up much later than that.

  
It was the worst sleep he had ever gotten, he felt sick the entire time and he knew it wasn’t the stew, but Poe.


	3. bubbling up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their feelings have to catch up with them eventually right? right?
> 
> some emotions come to the surface, not all, but it's a start. 
> 
> ft. Finn and Poe finally talking :)
> 
> [stay tuned for some more Rey-centric story coming]

The bright light woke him immediately, he feared it was the sun, that he had slept outside the entire night, covered in bugs and sweat and everything he feared when he agreed to come to Yavin with Poe.

But it wasn’t dawn, just the automatic porch lights when they sensed motion.

“I told you I was fine, so you stayed up for me?”

Finn blinked, still trying to make out the shadowy shape out of the intense lights. The voice was just raspy enough that he couldn’t place it to Poe right away, not until his mop of curls came into view and his face finally illuminated.

He coughed, cracking his neck, groaning in discomfort. “I needed to say something…”

“Get up, come on.”

He almost didn’t want to let him help him up, but Poe was fully awake and functioning while he was, at best, a tired slump of himself. Poe took his arm and slung it over his shoulder, the two of them walking together into the house, both in silent agreement to keep their footsteps quiet as Kes was asleep downstairs.

Poe was particularly grateful for the silence, knowing that if Finn had something to say, he was going to hear about, and he wanted to avoid that for as long as possible.

By the time they hit the stairs, Finn was awake enough to walk on his own, but he couldn’t bring himself to mentioning it, to pull from Poe as they slinked upstairs. He set him down on the makeshift bed in the loft, pulling back briefly and sighing, hands on his hips as he glanced back down the hall to see Rey in the other bedroom already asleep, then back to Finn.

“I shouldn’t make you sleep out here, you can take the other bed-”

“I just fell asleep on a porch; I think this is a luxury.” Finn fought back, rubbing over his chin and the stubble growing there.

Poe stopped himself from saying anything else, going through a similar motion with another sigh.

Finn wanted to say everything he had planned to say, to sympathize and get him better… It was too late, they were both too tired, Poe barely looked awake, much less attentive.

It was going to have to wait.

Finn broke the silence. “We’re going out to the Force Tree in the morning?”

“Yeah, I think, you know, Rey seemed excited for it…”

“Right, yeah, good.”

Poe nodded along, incapable of anything else as a yawn ripped through him.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Finn added, kicking out of his boots, releasing Poe from the conversation.

The next light he saw was the actual rise of the sun, beading through the windows of where he slept, sparkling through the fabrics strewn about. It was a much nicer surface to wake up on, his muscles groaned but not nearly as uncomfortable as he had been when he woke up in the middle of the night.

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and sighed, just as he heard a soft patter of feet coming to where he sat. It was Rey, looking an adorable mix between sleepy and well-rested, and she had remembered to change into separate clothes to sleep in, unlike himself.

“Morning…” She chimed, halfway through tying her hair up into her normal knotted style. “I saw you outside last night, but I figured you’d make your way inside.”

“Yeah…” He chuckled out, just as a much heavy set of steps made their way into the room from the other side.

Poe looked even worse than yesterday, if he had gotten any sleep at all, he didn’t look it.

“Morning,” Rey added again with a soft smile.

“Yeah, morning.” He sighed, positioning his hands back onto his hips. “You guys good to head out after we eat?”

They both nodded and he joined in with him.

“I’m sure my dad’s already up and cooked, I’ll change and meet you down there.” He spoke again, almost entirely to Rey, not even glancing down to Finn once as he spoke before turning away.

Rey raised a brow, but Finn shook his head, neither of them saying anything, just turning back to their respective sectors to change their clothes and meet Kes downstairs.

Poe was right, he was cooking, and looked like he had been for a while, a full meal prepped for them and waiting on the table while he sipped at his caf.

Rey and Finn sat down, waited for Poe but when he didn’t come down in the first few minutes, they began eating, and eventually, he sauntered down the stairs, grabbed a plate and leaned against the counter.

“I’m excited for you to see the Tree, Rey, and you, Finn, I’ve heard it’s an incredible experience for force users.”

“Oh, I’m not a Jedi.” Finn defended; a cheek full of food.

“That’s not what Poe says, heard you’re great with a saber and-”

He dropped his fork to his plate with a clatter and shook his head, trying to laugh it off but no one around the table was buying it. “Yeah, but I’m not like Rey.”

“My mistake…” Kes said carefully, downing the rest of his caf and shrugging. “You should probably get going if you want to beat the suns.”

Poe nodded, bending over the table to collect plates and walking them over to the kitchen while Rey tied up the laces on her boots, Finn doing the same. “We’ll be back by sundown; do you need anything else?”

“I’m going to walk the Belken, set the droids out in the fields…”

“Well if you need anything-”

“Go.”

So, they did. Poe leading the way with a pack thrown over his shoulder, trekking out the front door and heading out

Yavin was nothing if not beautiful. It was a one body wide path, so they hiked in a line, first Poe, then Finn, then Rey, almost completely in silence as the natural noises of the jungle around began to drown out even their thoughts.

The sun barely threaded the dense canopy of leaves above them, stray beams cutting through and sparkling across their very quickly sweating bodies. Eventually, the foliage on either side of the well-worn if not slightly overgrown path faded back some, leaving just enough room two people now. Finn took a few extra long steps until he settled into step alongside Poe.

They were each quiet, but Poe was noticeably stewing in his own personal hell.

They couldn’t stay. They just couldn’t any longer.

Poe didn’t even notice him coming up alongside him, that was how out of it he was. Finn passed a gentle nod back over his shoulder and Rey got the message, slowing her step and giving them some distance.

“We need to talk.” Finn tried at first in a whisper but after a few beats, repeated at a more audible volume, getting Poe to snap his head back his way.

“Talk about what?” He chuckled, rubbing the sweat off his brow with one swipe of his wrist wrapped with a scarf.

“Whatever the hell is going on with you…”

“Nothing is-”

“Okay, you can’t keep pretending you’re fine but ever since we got here you’ve been acting different-”

“I haven’t-”

“Can you let me finish?” Finn snapped, enough for even Rey to raise an eyebrow at even if she kept her mouth shut and her eyes down like she wasn’t paying attention.

Poe only bit his tongue and raised his hands gently in surrender, not much, but enough.

“Listen, we came here because the war is over and we can slow down, we need a break, we need a chance to figure it all out and you’ve just been boiling.” He sighed out, bringing them to a stop on the path, Rey no longer pretending to be chasing butterflies. She was paying as much attention as Finn, neither of them ignoring it now.

“He’s got you in on this too, the both of you conspiring against me-” Poe rambled out, barely capable of forming the words on his tongue as everything continued to biol under his skin, turning him red and it wasn’t from the heat. “I’m fine and the two of you need to start worrying about yourselves.”

“Poe…” Rey sighed, stepping forward and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder which he hit away like swatting a fly. “We don’t know what’s going on and we just want to-”

“This is a lot coming from you.”

He was crying now, trying desperately to pretend he wasn’t, but he couldn’t help himself, the tears hot on his face as he shifted on his feet, the beams of sunlight splattering his face in a bright yellow. He couldn’t stop himself now, he just couldn’t.

“You said it yourself, we came here to slow down, and you’ve spent the entire time watching me because you can’t do what you’re telling me to do… to realize you have to figure out what you’re going to do now that it’s over too.” Poe ranted out, pushing his finger into Finn’s chest, stuttering him back a step. They could read the regret on his face, but he didn’t stop, he couldn’t.

Finn and Rey exchanged a look but before either of them could form a rebuttal, he redirected to Rey.

“You still won’t even tell us what happened to you on Exegol, which is fine…” He rubbed his brow, “We don’t know each other that well, I don’t expect it, but it’s clearly weighing on. So, you guys don’t get to come after me. You don’t.”

No one knew what to do, least of all Poe. He expended every last ounce of his energy by shouting at them and now he couldn’t meet their eyes. Blowing out a breath, he shook his head and turned away, continuing down the path. By himself.

Rey followed first, keeping her eyes down and continuing the silent march. After a few seconds and a deep and shuddering breath, Finn did the same. They were all lost in their thoughts the entire rest of the hike, now finding themselves grateful for the gentle hum of the jungle.

By the time they reached a small bridge, Poe was already waiting for them, a small stream flowing underneath it. But he didn’t want to talk, he waited just long enough for them to catch up, then continued, going right from the bridge and following the path for a few more minutes before reaching the end of the path, the end of the Dameron property.

It was like a breath of fresh air rushing through their bones, through their hair, through every inch, every atom of their being. Rey got a whiff of it when they first got there, but that was faint, like a gentle breeze, this was a full-blown tornado force of feeling. It was in the air, it was all around, it was breathtaking and rejuvenating all at once.

And Finn could feel it all too. Rey was immersed in it, but he could still feel it.

Even Poe couldn’t ignore it, they didn’t know what he was feeling but his whole disposition had still changed. He slowed down, he softened. This kind of power? Force-sensitive or not, it could be felt.

It was an extensive tree, an intricate design, towering into the treetops, much bigger than Poe remembered from when he was a kid, from the last time he was out here.

Rey’s breath caught as she slowly approached it, coming up next to Poe as they both inched towards the base. She stepped carefully over the thick roots, ripping off her gloves and outstretching her hand for the wood. Poe did the same but with slightly less caution, much more familiar as he drew his fingers over it.

Finn squatted next to one of the largest roots bulging out of the dirt, laying his hand down soft onto it. The feeling was there, and it was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

But his finger ran over a groove, following along a curve that caught his eye as soon as he glanced down.

A small P engraved, not well, sharp edges, it must have been a knife…

“My father yelled so loud when he found that…” Poe mused. Finn glanced up just long enough to catch that Poe had been looking his way, staring even, pulling away as soon as he caught him, both of them turning back to the tree. “I was young, eight or nine I think… trying to feel something more, I don’t know…”

They both kept quiet, not knowing whether the story was over or not and not wanting him to retract further into himself.

“I haven’t been back out here since then.” Poe chuckled to himself, pulling his hand away and walking down further to where the roots dipped into the stream, the two of them electing to follow as he collapsed down into the dirt. “It wasn’t even a year after my mother died.”

Finn gave Rey another nod and she gave one back, retreating to the tree which was calling her to do just that.

He sat down on a rock opposite Poe, his boots tipping into the humming water as it flowed past.

“Everything changed after she died.” He wasn’t crying. He was unnaturally stiff and maintaining a painfully stern stare off into the water a few feet below.

“Poe…”

“I got out of here as fast as I could. And there’s just this… there’s this guilt, it’s heavy, it’s weighing me down and it’s been there for years…” He scoffed, reaching to his neck and grabbing the ring around the chain hanging there, tugging it gently back and forth. “I thought winning the war… I thought it would all go away…”

“But it’s worse.” Finn sighed with a nod to faint that Poe wouldn’t have been able to see it even if he was looking that way instead of into the water.

“It’s so much worse…”

He reached over and grabbed his hand, the one not holding tight to the necklace but resting on his knee. Poe glanced down to his grip on his hand, to the calloused skin that held tight to his own. A deep breath in, deep breath out.

He pulled away. He didn’t want to, but he had to.

“I guess we’re all still trying to figure it out.” Poe let out one last ragged sigh. “Figure out what we’re going to be now that we can be anything…”

He finally looked up and met Finn’s stare, so soft, eyebrows furrowed out of concern and chapped lips jutted out in a near pout. Poe’s stubble had progressed to a ragged beard by this point, not full yet, but a few days and it wouldn’t be a surprise at the rate it was growing. And the bags under his eyes, they were caving into his face, he was a ghost of himself.

Finn didn’t imagine he looked much better. He wasn’t getting any more sleep than Poe was, his head just as wrecked by being here, or at least half as wrecked watching Poe spiral so much.

“Well, Rey seems to have it all figured out at least…” Finn laughed out, swiping a hand under his nose with a futile attempt to melt away the heavy tension.

They both glanced back up to Rey and sure enough, she was levitating by the tree, rocks spinning around in a gentle blur.

“Nah… I think we’re all stuck.” Poe sighed, grabbing a stone and rolling it down into the water, making a light splash. “And I don’t think we can go anywhere until we figure it out.”

“Just don’t forget we’re here.” Finn smiled softly, extending his hand for the water Poe kept in his pack and he obliged. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Poe passed over his bottle and huffed, other hand still hanging around the ring on his neck. He licked his bottom lip and sucked it back in briefly before looking back to Finn.

“Yeah, I know…” 


	4. to be better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short Rey interlude. 
> 
> ft. Force Ghost Luke and mentions of the battle of Exegol with Ben

It was only Poe and Finn who trekked back once the sun began to set. After at least ten minutes of Poe first explaining, then repeating his explanation of the path to follow to get back, he gave in to Rey’s pleads to stay out there alone for longer.

He warned her of the larger beasts who could creep up from behind without so much of a sound, of the bugs that could bite without even being seen, of the many dangers of getting lost out there with no water or food… She made it very clear she understood and still opted to stay. He left his handheld communicator out there with her despite her protests, insisting that if she had a problem, she had to call.

She was his guest after all.

With one final word of agreement, a nod of reassurance, and a gentle squeeze of both Poe and Finn’s hands, the two of them trekked back to the house and she stayed with the tree.

The setting sun left a rustic orange glow over it all, cascading through the trees, finding every space between the canopy of leaves and dousing the jungle in warmth. As if she needed the extra heat while out there.

She settled into the base of the tree, dragging her fingers mindlessly over the roots which surrounded her, encapsulating her in the aura created by the behemoth-like power the bark contained. It was real. It was tangible when she was there. For the many nights she spent keeping herself up wondering, she could feel it here. It was real.

Such a simple reminder to restore a faith she didn’t even realize was dwindling since it all ended.

That night on Exegol, the power she felt as all the Jedi spoke to her… She hadn’t felt it since then. And she thought that was okay at first, she thought it was because she had restored the balance, that she had ended the tension and what came after was meant to be this quiet. But she couldn’t even convince herself of that.

Not when it all came rushing back through her, sat next to the tree. And now all she could wonder was if she was broken without the direct connection, why she couldn’t feel it until she got here.

Her fingers grazed the roots then moved to grab a few of the fallen leaves and flowers, her fingers mindlessly twisting them together.

“You did everything right.”

The voice came like a whisper in the wind. At first, she didn’t think she was actually hearing it, thought it was just her desperateness playing a trick on her. But it came again.

“You cannot blame yourself.”

She was sure it was real now, her head lifting from the mess of roots and knotted flower stems in her hand to search the now red-hued jungle around her. There was less light, but it was somehow warmer than before as the crimson tore through the leaves and branches, dousing her in an almost unsettling color.

The red, not like blood but brighter. Like the red of the battle of Crait. From what she had seen as they flew away, from the dust she brushed off Finn and Poe the second they ran aboard the Falcon.

It was a color she could only associate with the emptiness she felt as Luke left.

It was his voice, she knew that for sure.

“I don’t blame myself.” She shot back, using the thick root on her left to boost herself to her feet, scanning for the source of the sound.

“It really doesn’t do you any good to lie to me, Rey.”

He emerged from behind the tree, blue and flowing forward as his mere presence made the aura surge tenfold. The red didn’t cut through him, it only glowed around him, and for a second, he almost looked as tangible as the force felt.

The strength coming from him, he didn’t need to be physical to be real, she could feel him as if he was really there.

“I’m not lying.” She tried to counter, holding her ground and he encircled the trunk and moved closer.

“You are. You blame yourself, you shouldn’t.” He had such a soft curve to his face. After it all ended, she looked back through some of the old archived footage, some of the clips of him, Leia, and Han. Seeing him so young was almost shocking, but he hadn’t changed.

Seeing him again now, she was certain of that. He had been roughly the same age after the battle of Endor when he ended his war. She could only wonder what she would look like when that old, would she wear it as well?

Would her eyes be as soft even though the horrors she’s witnessed, everything she’s been a part of?

“He knew what he was doing.”

She caught the tears before they could come out. She could still feel his hand, the touch of warmth which brought her back. The memory made her resent the heat now, it felt almost mocking.

“There was no redemption for him, Rey, not after everything he had become.” Luke continued, stepping closer.

She wanted to reach out to him. But she couldn’t. He was real, he just wasn’t there.

“He gave his life for me-”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t have considered doing the same for him? Had the tables been turned?”

She couldn’t lie, he had already told her that. He could see through her as easily as he had the first day they met. Upon first words, she felt as if she had known him for ages, she imagined he felt the same.

“You would have been wrong to, but you would have. That’s just who you are.” He argued, gesturing for her to take a seat back down where she had been and him doing the same across from her, onto one of the larger roots.

“He came back for me…” She fought stubbornly, pointing into her chest because she had nothing else to do with her hands and she had to manage something.

Luke gave her a look, somehow superior in its ‘all-knowing’ but soft in its fatherly downturn of his smile. Her hands went back to playing with the flowers she had discarded.

“He did. And saving you was his last full measure of devotion to you and to the Force.” Luke nodded but stopped after a few slow beats of his head. “But that didn’t erase it all, everything Kylo Ren did still bled onto his hands.”

She knew that. She couldn’t imagine a world where she brought him off of Exegol and tried to explain it all to someone like Poe who had suffered so much at his hands for years in the Resistance, or Finn who was stolen from a family he’ll never know to fight his war for him as an expendable number. She couldn’t explain that Ben was someone else because even she knew it wasn’t entirely true.

He became better. Coming to save her, that was his redemption, in Luke’s eloquent words, ‘his last full measure of devotion’. But that was his path.

And she knew that, and maybe that was why she felt so guilty. To know that someone’s path existed just to save her, that he gave his little remaining life for her. He may have been what he was, but she still felt it, she could recognize the situation for what it was and still feel for him.

She didn’t know how to explain that to Poe or Finn. She barely knew how to explain it to herself.

And with how warm they had been to return to, holding on tight to them as nothing else mattered in the world… They had become everything, they mattered to her, she couldn’t bring herself to say what she had to say about Ben to them, she couldn’t explain it.

It was guilt. Luke was right. She blamed herself for so many things.

“I don’t know how to explain what it is that I’m feeling.” She repeated her thoughts aloud to Luke, hoping he had some further realistic Jedi insight.

Maybe he could throw a rock at her and tell her she was overthinking things. Anything to snap her from this strange force funk.

“You don’t have to.”

She glanced back to him, eyes desperate and reddening with the set of the sun, a fallen purple beginning to set over them, redder than blue, but a mix of the two all the same.

“What you feel is real to you, you don’t have to explain that to anyone.” He continued, pointing to her chest with a steady hand. “Ben and everything he gave to you, lives within you. You keep him with you as a dyad in the force. That’s yours alone.”

“Finn and Poe-”

“Are two of the best of them, but people keep things for themselves. You don’t exist for them, you exist for you.” Luke continued with a sigh as he glanced around at something she couldn’t see, she tried to follow his stare but came up with nothing. “Kylo Ren _and_ Ben were the darkness in the force, everything wrong with him lives on just as everything right does. It’s a balance. The light is in you just as the darkness is, as it always has been.”

“How do I feel it all again?” She sighed, “After Exegol, after coming back… It’s harder than it’s ever been.”

“Well.” He shrugged with a laugh, “You were a natural, of course having to put work into it is going to feel hard.”

She wanted to laugh, but her chest felt too heavy.

“You used the force of a thousand generations. I don’t know how to put it simpler than to say you’re tired, you need to rest, to take it slow and easy. It will come back as you do.”

She nodded, already beginning to feel it just by being there.

“You need to find a new way to channel it. Without the war, you need to find somewhere else to focus it.” He explained, standing up and dusting off his legs even if he wasn’t even physically sat in the dirt, just to manage a laugh from her. “I think you already know how, too.”

“Finn?”

“Smart girl.” He pointed, gesturing for her to come back to her feet. “He’ll need training, and you’ve got everything you need to do just that.”

His hand ghosted over her heart, tapping a few times and she could feel the vibrations of it all even without him making contact.

“I don’t know how I’d do this without you. I wouldn’t have been able to manage it on Exegol, we wouldn’t have won-”

“Nah, you’re managing just fine.”

She wanted to argue otherwise, but he was so confident, she immediately felt caught off guard by it all, a faint voice in the back of her head mentioning she may be wrong.

“The war is over, and you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling. Not just you, all of you. There’s a lot that comes with the shift from battle to quiet.” He added.

“How’d you manage it?”

He smiled, wry and incomplete. “The wrong way. We all did. But you’ll do better.”

“How are you so certain?”

“Because you are better.”

He faded out with the night, but he wasn’t ever really gone, not when he could still feel him.

She walked back to the house with a warmth she couldn’t explain, even as the night fell and the wind began to chill, the warmth was there, inside of her.


	5. maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe realizes that maybe he needs some help. And that maybe Finn is there to share the burden that pulls at his heart.
> 
> ft. harshness then subsequent softness

It stormed that night.

It had already started drizzling by the time Rey made it back, just in time for a silent dinner full of one-word responses to Kes as he inquired about their day trip. Rey managed out slightly longer answers, she seemed better than she was when they left her, but for the most part, she stayed just as quiet as they did.

By the time the lightning and whipping winds came with the storm, they were all settled in by the fire in the living room. Or at least, Kes, Rey, and Finn were, mindlessly playing cards while Poe did the best he could to turn the house and field down for the storm.

Kes offered to do it himself, but Poe volunteered before the suggestion even made it out of his lips. It was pouring, they could hear the rain as it pelted the windows and the wind as it shook the moderately unsuited house. Kes explained this was a particularly intense storm, that they didn’t get many of them.

Throwing down another card to end his hand in the game, Finn got to his feet and began to search out the windows for any sign of Poe. The eagerness at which he jumped for a role to separate himself from the group, it felt like he had felt since the second they got there, not like the realized Poe who sat by the stream and admitted he was suffering.

And now he was out fighting a storm or was trying to. Finn didn’t imagine he had been very successful.

Another burst of water hit against the side of the house with a splatter, but Finn only moved closer to the window, scanning the immediate radius of the front porch covered by the lights, but Poe was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t worried. Or maybe he was. He knew Poe could handle whatever it was, he just didn’t like the idea of it.

“Alright, I’m thinking of turning in for the night.” Kes stood onto his shaking legs with some help from Rey, grabbed one of the blankets from the couch and began back towards the bedroom by the kitchen. “That kid.” He cursed under his breath as he came up behind Finn, staring out into the darkness just as he was.

Finn watched him shake his head, waiting for something else, but there was nothing else. Kes just turned off towards his bedroom and carefully shut the door behind him.

“I think I’m going to head to bed too,” Rey smiled, still wrapped in her blanket. “You going to wait up?”

He nodded with a bite of his lip.

“He’s just trying to manage.” She filled in, walking up beside him and grabbing for his hand. “I imagine it’s pretty quiet for him now, without the fighting, he’s adjusting.”

Finn nodded along, giving her hand another squeeze. “I wish he’d ask for help.”

“I don’t know if he ever has needed to.” She shrugged, “He’s figured it all out on his own up until now.”

Her voice had a level of serenity to it that he didn’t know how to describe, but he felt the warmth she radiated spreading up his arm from where she held his hand. He almost wished he had stayed at the Force Tree, clearly she had picked something up from it that he had missed. But then again, he would never have let Poe walk back alone to stew by himself. They may have come back in silence, but there was a different silence to being alone with someone else.

“He’ll come around.” She gave a final squeeze to his hand and pulled away, heading up the stairs, blanket trailing behind her the whole way.

Whatever she had, he wanted some of it, that was for sure. He just didn’t know how to get it.

The only idea he had revolved around Poe, as many of his ideas did, even his bad ones. He walked back to the kitchen table and threw his jacket over his shoulders, tightening it up around his chest and heading back to the door.

The last few times he had tried this, Poe had turned him away and ignored his hand for help. Finn wasn’t going down without a fight this time. He wouldn’t leave him out there alone.

He took one deep breath in and stormed out into the blustering rain and wind. He scoffed out as soon as it hit his skin, the jacket made virtually no difference when it came down this hard. But he weathered it, he pulled the jacket tighter around him and stalked out through the mud, each step getting heavier and heavier as it weighed his boots down.

The beasts had retreated inside their small enclosures for protection from the storm, and even as the light from the porch radiated less and less the farther he got, there was always a strike of bright lightening to keep enough illuminated for him to keep moving forward.

Yet Poe was nowhere to be seen.

He kept down the path through the field, searching the best he could as the rain blurred his vision. The next crack of lightning seemed to come down even closer, and he jumped at the sound of it, but it was the light he needed to spot Poe at the end of the path. Back where they had turned onto the property, back near the road.

He was barely visible, bent over on the ground by the rock marking the start of the property which his surnames, but Finn knew it had to be him. As fast as his legs could carry him, he jogged out, trudging through large puddles when he had to, dragging all the mud in the world with him.

It didn’t matter, once he got closer and saw Poe wasn’t doing much moving, just sat next to the rock, he moved as fast as he could.

“Poe!” He shouted as he cut through the corner of the field. His voice was mauled by the storm, he didn’t know why he bothered. The lightning struck down with thunder five times the volume of the previous strikes. He tried again but it was useless. He just had to get there.

He knelt by his side, pushing the poncho from his face and for a brief second, he didn’t even seem conscious. Not until he gave his shoulders a shake and woke him up from whatever trance he had been in.

“Poe!” He shouted again, right in his face so he couldn’t be drowned out by the raging storm.

The water droplets danced along his lashes as he blinked, just shaded enough by the poncho to keep the rain from drenching his face, but his curls were wet, clinging to his skin.

“What are you doing out here!” Poe shouted back as soon as he realized where he was, and that Finn was out there with him. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

“What are you doing out here?” Finn fought, trying to look him over but Poe pushed his hands away gently.

“I was checking the flooding.”

Given that the small gouge in the dirt between them in the field had been a literal river Finn needed to jump over, he could pretty confidently say that the flooding was bad. But that didn’t explain why he had just been sat there, unmoving, as the storm fell over him.

“I was.” Poe defended before Finn even got the chance to argue. He reached up, dragging mud across his face as he rubbed his brow and pushed his sopping curls back from his eyes.

Finn couldn’t help but laugh, his hair was getting too long. So was his beard, though he imagined at the moment, the overgrown stubble was keeping him somewhat warmer than Finn’s recently shaved face was keeping him.

“We should head back inside.” Finn offered his hand.

Poe stared at it, his hand raised slightly as if he was going to grab it but it fell back down as his gaze did the same.

“Poe!” Finn shouted again over the storm but got no response.

When he crouched back down, he could see the tears. The rain couldn’t hide them, they were distinctly pooling in his eyes and streaming from the side. There was a sob caught in his body, he clenched his lips, refusing to let it out. Finn dropped both of his hands out to his knees and just held them there gently, not knowing what else he could do.

“I’m sorry.” The words broke free with the sob into his lap, his whole body shuddered with it, he couldn’t even manage to look back at Finn. “I’m- I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Finn pressed, holding tight to his knees and not moving away as Poe’s weak hands tried to shoo him off. He dipped his head, trying to search his face but Poe just pulled away.

He pulled his head all the way away and ripped the poncho hood the rest of the way off, reaching to tug on his nose and sniffle at the same time.

Finn only wanted to move closer.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Finn fought but Poe fought harder, standing up and getting himself completely out of his grip.

“I can’t be what you want me to be!” He finally broke, rubbing his palms over his eyes and turning away, only stumble into a puddle. He tripped into it, falling into it with a splash just as another crack of lightning hit.

He tried to get himself up on his own, but Finn was by his side in a matter of seconds, not afraid to kneel in the water and pull him up. Poe tried to fight it, but he kept his grip until Poe was back onto his feet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Finn shouted back, grabbing him by the shoulders and refusing to let him turn away, to wiggle from his grasp. “Who do you think I want you to be?”

Poe scoffed, the water on his lips shooting out towards Finn as he held him close. He tried to look away, but Finn fought to stay a constant in his line of sight. He wanted to understand. He wanted to help.

“I don’t have any of it figured out!” Poe shouted back, hitting his hands away firmly then wiping over his face futilely like he could stop the downpour from drenching him by the second, it was like trying to fight upstream of a river. “None of it. Any of it.”

“What does that matter to me!”

“I’m not that dashing resistance pilot anymore. I’m not a general. I’m not anything.” Poe cursed out, stamping into the ground with nowhere else to direct his anger.

Finn froze as he heard him, he let him pull away and fume, he just listened.

“I can barely manage around here, and my dad needed me here and I wasn’t here. The fields are flooded and the Belkan is wet and freezing- And I- I – The fence fell down and I can’t- I just-” Poe flooded out, constantly pulling back on his hair.

“Poe-”

“I can’t do any of it. I’m not a pilot anymore. I’m not resistance, I’m not a farmer. I’m nothing.”

“That’s not true-”

He scoffed, finally turning back to him and shaking his head. “Don’t lie to me-”

“I wouldn’t ever do that.” Finn fought, equally as angry now as he shouted back his way. “Not to you.”

Poe couldn’t manage out a response, he just stuttered into the rain as Finn stepped up, a crack of lightening sounding off behind him.

“I don’t care what title you go by. I don’t care if you’re resistance or republic, if you’re a general or a farmer or none of the above, none of that matters.” Finn screamed now to be heard over the downpour. “None of that is you.”

“I’m not-”

“You don’t have to be anything but yourself.” Finn sighed, stepping one final step to grab him again. “You think I’m not terrified that it’s over? That I’m not anything? You think I haven’t considered the fact that I have nothing.”

Poe couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, he let Finn keep him steady and shout at him, he was desperate for every word, blinking through the rain to ensure he never lost sight of him.

“I don’t have a family home. I don’t have a name, a people, nothing! All I have are you and Rey. And if you don’t think that terrifies me, then you’ve got no idea. Because I’m just as scared as you are.”

The two of them stood just taking heavy breaths and holding a stare as the rain began to fall silent around them. They couldn’t tell whether or not it was actually dying down or neither of them cared enough to notice it anymore. Their focus remained solely on each other.

“You have to let me in. I need you to not just run off on me. I need you and you can’t just shut me out. Because I have nothing besides you.” Finn held tight on his shoulders, squeezing with each word. “You need to be you because I need you.”

In realizing just how loud he had gotten, how tight he held him, how close he had pulled him, Finn stepped back, releasing his grip and wiping the water off his face. The rain really was dying down, just a light sprinkle falling around them now.

But Poe remained frozen, in shock, in amazement, in a hundred emotions all culminating in his chest at once. He didn’t know what to do.

His heart did though.

He recovered the step Finn had taken away and grabbed him by the front of the jacket he had given him, pulling him back in close and bringing his head up to his, pressing his lips against his without a second more of hesitation. He was done waiting, and with everything that had just been said, he wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

Finn reacted just as easily, grabbing for his face and keeping him held in tight as he kissed back. It wasn’t soft, it was furious, everything the two had just shouted at each other playing out on their lips as they kissed, too desperate for the warmth to pull away.

Their faces drenched, they didn’t know if they had stood there for minutes or hours before Poe eventually pulled back to catch his breath.

“I’ve never needed anyone, I- If I-” Poe muttered against his lips, refusing to open his eyes, afraid that if he did it would all melt away. “Everyone I’ve ever needed, my mom… Leia… Snap…”

“I’m not going anywhere. Poe.” He spoke slowly, dipping his head in for one soft final kiss. “Except maybe inside because it’s cold and-”

Poe didn’t let him get that far, he pulled him right back in.

Maybe he did need help, maybe he did need someone to share the load. Maybe he needed him.

He was starting to realize, as he pressed his lips against Finn’s, that maybe he was okay with that.


End file.
